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Angel: "Offspring"

Holtz: Bondage? 
Angelus: With impalement. 
Holtz: Remember the safeword? 
Angelus: "Zopiclone." 
Holtz: Let's begin. Your shirt is stupid and you must be punished. 
Darla: Actually, Holtz, I already do that. Go play with an arrow in your chest. 
Holtz: Wah. I feel so left out. 
 

Gunn: What's today's artifact special? 
Evilish guard: Thing-a-ma-bobian Scroll of Super-Sized Prophecy. 
Gunn: Does it come with fries? 
 

Angel: So are we or are we not going to be an item? 
Cordy: Beats me. I'm playing it flirty and deniable. 
 

Angel: So what's in the McScroll? 
Wesley: Evil. Coming to L.A. 
Angel: Well, that's new. 
Wesley: I'm getting sleepy. 
 

Darla: I dreamed a dream my life would beeee! So different! 
From the hell! I'm liviiiiing! 
Gunn: Darla? The musical is on Buffy. 

Darla: You want prose? I'll give you prose. God damn you to hell, Angel! You and your sneaky undead swimmers! 
Cordy: I thought they were more like lying-downers? 
Angel: Ngngh. 
Cordy: Wait a minute! 
Angel: Ngngh. 
Cordy: Angel! You bitch! 
Angel: Earth? Please swallow me. 
Cordy: There will be no. Talk. Of swallowing.
 

Darla: Think it's evil? 
The Host: I got 50 bucks on "yes." 
The Furies: Aaangel... 
The Audience: Shut up. 

Darla: Cordelia's Home for Wayward Vampires. Has a nice ring. 
Cordy: Why are your teeth so big, grandma? 
Darla: The better to eat you with, my dear. 
Angel: Stop it right now. Unless this is a sex thing. 
 

Darla: Children. Love 'em. Could eat 'em up. 
Random Arcade Inhabitant: Is it legal to cliche in the presence of a minor? 
 

Darla: The child has a soul? Dude, the catharsis! Hold me! 
Angel: Do we have to do this scene? Because I already did this scene. Back in season 1. 
Darla: So? 
Angel: So it won't be as affecting. 
Darla: Does it say "Angel, Executive Producer" anywhere in the credits? Does it? Huh? 
Angel: No, ma'am. 
Darla: Shut up and start hugging, then. 
Angel: Yes, ma'am. 
 

Holtz: 21st century? Man, I overslept. 

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Episode List
 
HeartThrob
That Vision Thing
That Old Gang of Mine
Carpe Noctem
Fredless
Billy
Offspring
Quickening
Lullabye
Dad
Birthday
Provider 
Waiting in the Wings